The Man Cave Up in the Sky
Finding hope in Zillow mantuaries
There was a time, not too many decades ago, when it seemed that every uncle, every mid-pubescent boy, and every sitcom dad had to have one thing: a man cave.
Are you nostalgic for that time? Then I am here to tell you that the man cave is alive and well on Zillow.
All of the mainstays are the same: poker/foosball/pool tables, hand-me-down couches from the living room upstairs, bars with or without stools, La-Z-Boys (Man Cave™’s official corporate sponsor, it seems), sports paraphernalia, taxidermy, power tools, beer, a sign that reads "man cave".
In Zillow listings, some man caves exist in photos, some in renderings. But most of all they exist in description text, the realm of aspiration (aspiration being the raison d'être of Zillow). An unfinished basement or fourth bedroom ready to be turned into "the MAN CAVE of your dreams." Capital letters proliferate, the masculine character. Sometimes, in the name of equity, the realtor will hedge "man cave/she-shed" or "man cave/her-haven" or "man cave/lady's lair," but you know what they mean.
The man cave has always been, as the name implies, a grasp at masculinity. Having relinquished control of the home to his wife, the man seeks refuge from his emasculation.
But it is also an escape from masculinity. The man cave is where man can do arts and crafts (as long as it's with a saw), cry (as long as it's about sports), and be tender with his friends (as long as it's over a beer). It's where he has permission to relinquish some of what it means to be masculine, if only because it says "man" right there on the cover.
But there is something more liberating about this aspirational mode, in which the man cave is not real, but an unfinished, always-almost built space.
Men believe in man caves in the same way that I believe in a messiah: as an absence, a specter, that is always approaching but will never arrive, but nevertheless represents a future world to build towards.
In this case, that world is one in which masculinity and domesticity are not forces to cling to or repel, but rooms to play in.
A room of his own, if you will, where he can escape the shackles of masculinity for good, where a room is bigger than a room. A room that has no walls, because it encompasses the whole earth.
Thanks to participants in the Deep Sea Diving on the Web workshop for their help collecting photos of man caves.